thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
