just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
