Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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