i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
