its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
