Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
