Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
