kristin has been a bad kristin
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
