instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
