We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
