my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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