She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
