Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is Oprah even human
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
