I think im going to throw up on grandma
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
