Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
