Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
