I think I won the penis lottery.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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