im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
