If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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