i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
