she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
