I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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