someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
