Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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