i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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