dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How external is "for external use only"?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
