literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
