my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
