Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
