I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize