Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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