What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
