Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
