she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dicks are not precious.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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