thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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