Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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