I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
