I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
