just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize