halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
