I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
