I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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