worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
