Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
