You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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