A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
