I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
