make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
