if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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