yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
