Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
