If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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