yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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