i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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