feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
