Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
