you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
