And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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