we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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