people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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