I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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