so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize