you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Semen is not good for contacts.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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