Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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