I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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