I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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