Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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