....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think your dad took our porno
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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