i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
