I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
